What it is…

When did disapppointment become indifferrence
When did i start to notice your spelling mistakes and not the words you say
When did i love you become, he knows and it doesnt make a difference. He is still the same
When did i miss you become a sad song then silence then words i just say
Stating the obvious
Like i miss the sun on a rainy day
I miss my family everyday
I miss us
We used to talk
You said you felt guilty that we dont
I told you not to, but i meant i dont care what you feel
Because when i left Kenya
You left me
Even before that
When you saw my broken pieces
The filth under my beauty
The stretch marks and scars
You realized i am not who you thought i was
You said you hated me
Then you said you didnt mean it
You said things will never be the same
And i felt it

You cut yourself off from me
Maybe you are just like the rest
Once you discovered that i wouldnt let you touch me
You went out of touch
You realized you couldnt have my flesh and bones
That this spirit wouldnt allow this body to be yours despite its soul
This smile and laugh and voice
Carry words that can be poison bitter or sweet nector bringing healing and hapiness
And you found the latter
That this body is not yours to have
Until you hold my hand forever
And i take yours for eternity

So tough
Thats how its going to be
I have lost confidence in you
My love for you is a hazy memory at the back of my mind
Behind the hate, sorrow and tears
Behind the pain
Underneath the rejection
I didnt even remeber to pray for you this afternoon
Thats how it is


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