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Confessions

My most comfortable position is being an observer.  Looking at you, taking in all that you say, your body language, the way your eyes react to your own words as they tumble out of your mouth. The tone of your voice when you speak about certain people or places. The way the skin by your eyes crinkles when you smile. 
By the time you are done with your talking i have made up my mind about you. I have already decided if i will ever initiate a converstation with you again. I have decided that i cannot count on you as a friend. That you will let me down in one way or another. That i will not show you an inch of me. You wont even scratch the surface.

Its not because you are not worthy. Its not because i think i am superior. It is because behind my silence there is so much emotion. So much rage and passion. There is intensity. Very few people can handle me. And all my layers. Id rather not expose you to them. Or my layers to your sticky fingers and smiling eyes.

Im still looking for somoene who wont see me as perfect. Or frightening. Someone who i will feel comfortable being myself with. Someone i wont scare away. 

Give me a reason to let you in.

Love always

Ivy

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