Sweet and sour (4): Mourning

In the hollow of the morning
When sleep is still fresh in my eyes
I question everything
My intensions
My love

My love
The love i wish i had
That love only you can give
I like to play you out in my mind like a song
To hear your voice on repeat in my ears
Feel each note in my soul

And oh…

On my skin
Marks of passion long gone
I wish they were yours

I have so many songs in my mind
I hope against all that the right ones will fade in time
And when i see you again
I know i will hide
I will try
Retreating into myself
For some relief
Cause i believe

You will never love me like i do you
You will never want me like i do you
And i am taken
Aback by my longing
That should have expired by now
But that time is but an instant in eternity
And time, it doesnt heal instantly
Wouldnt let it if it tried
I like
To have every image of you linger in my mind
But ill go to blackness
It is necessary when i go back
Back to sadness
My love
I am
Mourning in the morning



Different (1)

When someone tells you to reach for the stars.
Will you?
Whose shoulders will you sit on to catch the moon
Whose smile will you ride on?
Or will you sail to the end of the earth on a sea of tears and jump to catch your dreams with fear as your parachute?

They say you wont go far
How unrealistic?
How unusual?
You want to be a what?
Oh…thats just a hobby
Its just a pass time
You will grow out of it
Tell me, can you grow out your skin?
Shed your opinions?
Can you step out from the box of your mind on to the glass ceiling of possibilities?
And scream without fearing it will shatter?
No matter
I will not be talked down from my mountain top.
I refuse to be defined by these boundaries you set.
These clear lines do not light my path.

I have come to realize that the earth is flat
As flat as coke left out too long
Deflated by pointed opinions
People pointing fingers
And so you got off your mountain
She got off hers
He got of his
No one is willing to reach out anymore
To reach up any more
To jump to heights never before reached.
And to jump down
With their insecurities as their safety net
And fear as their parachute.

Sweet and sour (3)

I love you with energy
It changes form so often
But your essence always remains
You are love’s memory
A thought somewhere at the back of my mind
I love you like regret
Like failure
Like a second change ill never get at this love
I love you like pain
I love…

You like healing
You who pulled me out of darkness
You are made of darkness
Made me laugh
Made me feel that intesity again
The kind that distance cannot conquer
It grew
You grew on me and i cant let you go
My heart says no

Love what i saw
In your eyes that night
You were unexpected
Unpredictable like a winter’s rain
I wont let this end
I will hold on to you
I need

Understanding how to love

When i “textgramed” the picture above it was the 15th of April. I understood you. Didnt think i loved you.


Ink drips off your pen
Drops coalesce to form strokes
Strokes form letters
And letters a story
Stories you let escape from mind to hand
Hand to pen to paper
Tales you let me read later

Flow out of your mouth
I hear words
Prounounced with that thing
A sound of song only heard in your voice
A voice louder than the others
Our hearts percuss in tune
Your lips whisper sacred words
As your body plays my instrument
I sing freely
My sadness and lonely left for dead
Your words, your features fill my head

I am blind
Blind to worry
Blind to fear
My own doubts i can no longer hear
In your arms
I let
The ink of your words
Fill in every picture of forever in me
You paint by colours
And every colour

Relearning (1):Dreams

I close my eyes and i think
Of all things i dreamt of as a kid.
The things i swore i knew were posssible in my mind. The things that only childhood brings.

The thing is…
Im not a child anymore.
Flying dreams became falling dreams became dreams of falling in love became the reality of heartbreak.
The monsters in my nightmares are now the monsters in my life.
Ghouls and goblins wave at me in the streets of this big city.
And i cant seem to catch a break. Or a breath. Or hope. Or my dreams.

They are like a double edged sword. Giving you hope initially and despair when unfulfilled.
They are illusive sleep to the insomniac. They tease you and leave you lonely.
Flirt with you and leave you horny
They bait you, leave you wanting.
They break you.
So im left running.

Dreams are for children.
They are the kryptonite to my adulthood.
They hold onto me like regret
Now i cant stop having them.

I will swallow the bitter with the sweet.
And i will learn how to fly again.

Sweet and sour (2): Late nights

‚ÄčI spend so much time thinking

If my mind was a clock it wouldnt just have twelve numbers
It would have symbols and shapes
Of varous sizes and shades
As the hands move, slow…

Causing thoughts of you tug at my subconscious

What are you doing right now?
Where are you?
How are you?
All these in a long list questions that ill never ask
And you will never tell.

I fell
In love with you
Then i grew
Into this love for you
And i found myself stuck
Waiting has never felt more frustrating
Patience is trap when you feel you cant move on.

Sweet and sour (1)

I understood the statement sweet nothings when i met you
I understood that someone can be so within themselves
That they are present and absent all at once
I understood why you exude sexual
All that you are is sensual
From the way you talk
To the words you say
The sound of your voice
Your whole being told me what you wanted from the moment we met
So why was i surprised when you asked me over?
And when i nodded my head saying yes?