Poems, Poetry

FAST and Hard…

Moving beyond yourself is so hard.

But once you do its hard to stop.

Its hard to start.
Reaching out when you’re the one who needs a hand to help.
A hand to hold.
Or just a high five.
Or a wave.
Or a smile, even if its fake.

Its difficult.
To feel someone else’s pain when you dont understand your own.
It sucks
Being in pain and having to smile.
It hurts.
Having to wait to be loved.
By people who dont love themselves.
People who don’t try you.
So how can you be more important than them?
When self love is a foreign concept…
You assume this but…

I can’t stress this enough.
You give the love you think you deserve.
So its hard.
For those of us who love hard and fast.
To love those who can’t decide.

Those who won’t confirm and always conform.
Won’t show up.
Won’t be there.
Physically or mentally.
Won’t support.

Because they don’t do that for themselves.
You assume
Dont expect them to do that for you.

This jouney has been long, i’m still running.
I passed tired on my way here.
Crossed the bridge of the hopefull over the river of helplessness.
Was high on want and started hallucinating
I went off the cliff of thought.
Dove into the abyss.
Into the bottomless pit of faith.
I had hope in my love.
But the black hole i found and the end…
Though beautiful…was a symbol of all your sweet nothings.
One giant empty promise of a future i couldnt lose…cause i never had.

I live in heartbreak hotel now.
Hearbreak warfare is my life.
My heart is more empty than my pockets.
Yet more full than my thoughtful mind.
There is a boy i know, he is the one i dream of.
He is the one i cant have.
He is the one ive given up on.

There is a man i know
One that i may have it bad for.
And im trying to GO SLOW.

But its against my nature.
Please understand.
And its okay if you dont…but i..
I love.
Fast.
And hard.

Inspired by recent events.
And the following people: lovers, daredevils.
Joy, Eunice, Usher Raymond, John Mayer, Whitney Houston, Sharon and Angie.
And a bunch of others….

*Mutheu*

Link in Bio for more.

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