Poems

Assumptions (1)

Assumptions
Who are you to ask me who i am?
Hold up
You dont ask me, you tell me
Saying it one more time…”Your not kenyan”

I am not kenyan?
Me?
Well then…

Who made you the governing authority on all that is Kenyan?
Do you want to see my ID? My passport?
So there are white Kenyans, Indian Kenyans, but apparently Kenyans from the diaspora aren’t real kenyans?

Come again?
Is it cause my accent is different from yours?
Are the kikuyu and kamba accents the same?
The kisi and Luo and Luya?
Are they? No

So why does my accent amuse you?
Yes, yours amuses me
But i never question your nationality.
So what makes you think you can question mine?

I know my mother tongue…but no i dont speak it.
I know swahili, but i dont speak it that often..
Honestly because i don’t have the “swahili accent” (whatever that means) so you laugh when i speak like its a joke.
The only joke here is you thinking you can define a nationality by and accent.
Or even by knowledge of geography.
Or knowledge of language.
Or least of all personality.

I am tired of that question.
“Are you Kenyan?”
I am!

Can we move on now…

*if not…refer to the beginning of this piece cause im tired of your assumptions*

*Mutheu*

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Poems, Poetry

Nostalgia

Nostalgia got me caught in the rain yesterday. I got off at Kenyatta Hospital and was walking through the compound and the halls. It all came back to me. You came back to me.

So…TBT:

~~~~
13/12/15

First draft

I want you
Its like a constant ache
The sadness i felt when you took that call had me thinking i can’t do this anymore.
Tears began to form in my eyes.

I want you
Its like a primal need.
More than attraction.
A step beyond fondness.
Your warmth, like a soft glow from the radiant sun on a cold winters day.
Your kiss
A sweet serenade i have become accustomed to, but it still gets me excited.

The feel of your beard on my face and skin.
A soft tickle, brush bristles on the canvas of my soul.
You make me feel wanted
Your hand protecting me as we cross the road.
Lingering behind when i follow.
Your strong shoulder always there for me to lean on.
Your smile
The way your eyes decrease in size.
As if to make room for it.
And what makes you happy is beyond what is seen.
Your laugh…

You looked so handsome today
Shirt and tie
Formal wear
Turning me on like…
I don’t know
I wanted to get you alone

Seeing you with patients
Attentive
Caring
Gentle
And in that labcoat…

I should have stayed
But i didnt want you to see that side of me
This madness that ensues when im in this mood
And all my emotions motion me into gloom

You can’t see all of me
You can’t feel all of me
You may not want anymore
Or worse still, you may

You gestured to the word love on that sign
I that you too
You say you like me
I like you too, i really do
~~~~

Lol….sooo….as you can see i have been this dramatic for a while 😆
I hope you also see i’ve improved as a writer.
I hope to keep getting better.

Lots of love
Forever the romantic.

*mutheu*

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Poems, Poetry

FAST and Hard…

Moving beyond yourself is so hard.

But once you do its hard to stop.

Its hard to start.
Reaching out when you’re the one who needs a hand to help.
A hand to hold.
Or just a high five.
Or a wave.
Or a smile, even if its fake.

Its difficult.
To feel someone else’s pain when you dont understand your own.
It sucks
Being in pain and having to smile.
It hurts.
Having to wait to be loved.
By people who dont love themselves.
People who don’t try you.
So how can you be more important than them?
When self love is a foreign concept…
You assume this but…

I can’t stress this enough.
You give the love you think you deserve.
So its hard.
For those of us who love hard and fast.
To love those who can’t decide.

Those who won’t confirm and always conform.
Won’t show up.
Won’t be there.
Physically or mentally.
Won’t support.

Because they don’t do that for themselves.
You assume
Dont expect them to do that for you.

This jouney has been long, i’m still running.
I passed tired on my way here.
Crossed the bridge of the hopefull over the river of helplessness.
Was high on want and started hallucinating
I went off the cliff of thought.
Dove into the abyss.
Into the bottomless pit of faith.
I had hope in my love.
But the black hole i found and the end…
Though beautiful…was a symbol of all your sweet nothings.
One giant empty promise of a future i couldnt lose…cause i never had.

I live in heartbreak hotel now.
Hearbreak warfare is my life.
My heart is more empty than my pockets.
Yet more full than my thoughtful mind.
There is a boy i know, he is the one i dream of.
He is the one i cant have.
He is the one ive given up on.

There is a man i know
One that i may have it bad for.
And im trying to GO SLOW.

But its against my nature.
Please understand.
And its okay if you dont…but i..
I love.
Fast.
And hard.

Inspired by recent events.
And the following people: lovers, daredevils.
Joy, Eunice, Usher Raymond, John Mayer, Whitney Houston, Sharon and Angie.
And a bunch of others….

*Mutheu*

Link in Bio for more.

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Poems, Poetry

Sweet and sour (3)

I love you with energy
It changes form so often
But your essence always remains
You are love’s memory
A thought somewhere at the back of my mind
I love you like regret
Like failure
Like a second change ill never get at this love
I love you like pain
I love…

You like healing
You who pulled me out of darkness
You are made of darkness
Made me laugh
Made me feel that intesity again
The kind that distance cannot conquer
It grew
You grew on me and i cant let you go
My heart says no
I…

Love what i saw
In your eyes that night
You were unexpected
Unpredictable like a winter’s rain
I wont let this end
I will hold on to you
I need
You

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Pics, Poems

Sweet and sour (1)

I understood the statement sweet nothings when i met you
I understood that someone can be so within themselves
That they are present and absent all at once
I understood why you exude sexual
All that you are is sensual
From the way you talk
To the words you say
The sound of your voice
Your whole being told me what you wanted from the moment we met
So why was i surprised when you asked me over?
And when i nodded my head saying yes?

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Poems

Again

​Fruitless conversations polluting wholesome minds.

Words mean little when actions hide them.
What once was exciting becomes morbid fascination.
Words suggesting possibilities of unrealistic sitiations
Like if years ago by chance i met you
Something would have happened between us
If you were in that mindset and i was in that state of mind
If i was in this country and not that

Truth is you dont know what you do to me
How careless you are with the fruit of you lips
When i just want a bite.
You say your piece leaving me restless
How easily you lead me and leave me uneasy
Creating obscene scenes in my mental space
Taking power away from a decision i made

But its okay?
Cause the words wont ever turn into action right?

I am done with occupying my mind with you. So i have said to myself time and again. But i still have words and thoughts that i wish i didnt. All i can do is write until they fade away.

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