Poetry

Showing myself (3): In real life

‚ÄčThe picture below is of a painting called Duality by Patricia Ariel.


“When there are so many lines to read… in between

So many words, phrases, sentences
Its easy to get lost in the unsaid
To connect dots that were never there
And I…
I become a conspiracy theorist when it comes to love and abandonment
So everything you say
And all you leave unsaid
Every smile
Wink, lick
Every meme
Emoji and gif
I categorize
I memorize
I analyse

I am like your magical machine
I take in everything
Your body language
Your language
Your silence
It all speaks to me

Speach in parables can be your down fall
When you eat, breathe and live words
They can kill you, hard.
Its hard to believe what anyone says they say the mean when you dont even believe the things you say
I mean
The abstract world is beautiful and deadly.
It is what you make it
And thats the problem
The medley of space, matter and silence without time
Creats gods of deception in my mind
I can be what i want to be there
I can make you fall love with me there

But here
I do fail
And you do fall
But time screws both of us over.

Thats why.
Thats why i’d rather spend my days
In an endless daze
Reading mind maps in my brain as i twirl my braids
Fighting in my mind, winning battles i couldnt count as victories in real life.

So in real life
(Whatever that means)
I am hidden
Unless you find me”

*mutheu*

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Poetry

Heartbeat


I breathe you in slow
Its a reflection of how i want to love
Then i inhale it all fast as i look deep into your soul
I hope you see me
I show you in my eyes
What my lips cant speak
I show you with my body
What my eyes dont say
And when i show you with my heart and the words of my mouth
You run away
I won’t say its okay
Its not

And i am not pretty
Nor am i beautiful
I am profound, formidable, enchanting
I wont make you see that.
I used to work so hard on imposing my awesome on everyone
Making my greatness clear
But what is great is that it didn’t work
People who thought of me as less than continued to do so
And so i saw the truth
People will do what’s good for them
So i will too

After all
I am just passing through
I am determined to be good to those
That i find on my path
But their smiles dont light it up
God does
My dreams do
Ambitions, affirmations, action
Faith will pull me through

I believe
I am no longer afraid of myself
My faults and flaws are beautiful
My scars are pretty
My darkness is life
My pain is progress

Heart still beating fast
From my last encounter with what i thought was love
When all the love was within me
Heartbeat slow from realization
Epiphanies sedate me
But my heartbeat is kept
So till my last breath
I will breathe life in
Take adventure into my lungs
Gulp it down and sometimes sip slow
But i will never stop trying
I will never let myself go
But you….i can live without…
With or without you all…i will thrive

*mutheu*

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