Write a thank you note to yourself.

Thank you Ivy for giving hope a chance. For finding that you have more light in you than you ever thought you needed.

For letting yourself love and be loved. For giving God the chance to heal your beautiful soul.

For letting yourself be so full of joy that you have enough for your tribe. For being there for me when no one else was.

For letting yourself be understood, by yourself and letting go of pretense.

You look into my eyes each morning and assure me I will be okay. I am beauty. You amaze me every day darling.

I love you forever. This is for you.

Sweeter than you will ever know, because you struggle to believe what you’ve been told.

Stronger than a thousand sunsets, you are my moon. I long to romance you for eternity.

As I write this to let you know that I will be with you for now and always.

I choose to make you mine.

Love, Ivy

Magic..

I put a spell on you, cause you’re mine.

Pull me closer as we slow dance. I dance on your feet and giggle.

Slow dancing in a burning room comes to mind, it’s a moment I can’t forget.

I can’t think of anyone I’d rather dissappear into, Littlebird.

Into your eyes, I fall forever.
I’m still there, stuck on you.

We kiss and the moonlight, the light from my laptop, the lights from our neighbour’s apartment, land on our skin, we glisten.

As we sink into the hardwood floor, together.

Eternal lovers.

Ever after.

One story

I am finally realizing what love means

After years of guessing and being afraid to say it

Years of saying it and not knowing what it means

Now I say and mean it

I am in love with you

 

Its not as romantic as I thought it would be

Its practical and messy

Honestly you annoy me sometimes

Trying to solve everything like a puzzle or a sum

When I want to discuss it like a poem

 

When we started talking a year ago

I got the feeling I was a problem you needed to solve, I didn’t want to be

You called me insecure

Told me I needed help

 

I didn’t ask you to help me, but here you are.

 

I told you yesterday that its stupid of you to ask me to promise not to be someone that will nag you in the future.

 

Yes.

 

And its stupid for me to say I love you forever and always, when I just started

Its idiotic for me to want you here constantly and yet be so frightened that you will bore me.

It doesn’t make any sense that it feels like you’ve been mine for longer than I have been.

That I am so aware of every moment we’re together, I keep it logged in my mind.

 

How I feel

How I think you feel

How we breathe.

The way the sunlight touched your face in the matatu on our way home.

How you say home when you mean my place, when you mean me.

How you say you will never leave and I believe.

How I am crying as I write this.

 

I confess I have never felt this soft

As if loving one immensely makes you kinder

Pliable like the clay I am

Yet you have never tried to change my shape

More sensitive to everyone’s feelings and thoughts

More likely to take risks, to fall, not because you will catch me, but because you fall with me

More vulnerable to joy and pain

And for some reason closer to God, more likely to pray

More determined to stay by your side

 

I don’t ask that you don’t break my heart

Because I know I will survive that, I will love harder and deeper after that

I don’t ask that you stay, because I know you will

I ask that you would be honest with me

See me for who I am

Take in the aggression with the silence

The kindness and insults

The many mistakes

The physical pain and complaints

 

Hold out your arms and take me all in

I am yours.

 

And if you find yourself wishing you were anywhere else, with anyone else just tell me and leave.

 

Because you are too beautiful of a soul to live unfulfilled.

And I am too blunt of a sword to be wielded by someone that doesn’t know or understand my power.

I am a selfish lover, demanding to be your only weapon.

I am hard work, missed signals and misunderstandings.

Playing anything other only has never interested me.

 

Don’t try and keep me with promises of a flowery future.

I prefer wild creeping plants, deep greens and tall dark trees with lichen.

I can plant my own garden

But I chose to do it with you.

Run out.

Is there much of a place for someone who can’t accept criticism? Can’t build on people’s well ment comments. Can’t add to themselves.

Is there any room for one who insists on who  they are without getting to know who that is and what that means?

I mean what room is there for growth without making the effort to discover how?
How do i sit here and be. Waiting to change. While consciously, purposefully avoiding all chances of that happening?

Listen.

There is self acceptance from self knowledge. Bringing self love.

And there is self deception.
A laziness from words stored inside you wont let out. There is fear of judgement from people who are better or worse. There is pretending you dont care and that this is not something you want. Or wanted.
There is jealousy of the successes of those who give enough of a fuck to put in the work. There is envy for the success and recognition you dont deserve.

There is me. Running around with all these words. Unwriten. If written, unpublished. If published unperformed. If performed not effective. Inneffective. I am.

Is there any room, any place at all for a poet who has run out of words? Out of buildings. Out of steam.

Different (1)

When someone tells you to reach for the stars.
Will you?
Whose shoulders will you sit on to catch the moon
Whose smile will you ride on?
Or will you sail to the end of the earth on a sea of tears and jump to catch your dreams with fear as your parachute?

They say you wont go far
How unrealistic?
How unusual?
You want to be a what?
Oh…thats just a hobby
Its just a pass time
You will grow out of it
Tell me, can you grow out your skin?
Shed your opinions?
Can you step out from the box of your mind on to the glass ceiling of possibilities?
And scream without fearing it will shatter?
No matter
I will not be talked down from my mountain top.
I refuse to be defined by these boundaries you set.
These clear lines do not light my path.

I have come to realize that the earth is flat
As flat as coke left out too long
Pop
Deflated by pointed opinions
People pointing fingers
And so you got off your mountain
She got off hers
He got of his
No one is willing to reach out anymore
To reach up any more
To jump to heights never before reached.
And to jump down
With their insecurities as their safety net
And fear as their parachute.
*Mutheu*