Until now.

I am starting to see life for what it is.
A series of mistakes, that if repeated, lead to destruction of self.

Languishing in it makes misery my home.

Or.

I could push past myself and love me ’cause I’m lovable.

I am starting to see love for what it is, not what I want it to be. All the words I hold in my tongue so I don’t offend you and the decisions I make despite your advice. And the frustration you have with my ways.

My frustration with you not being on my side.
You won’t love me to my death bed, I heard you say that.

I don’t want to be the kind of person that constantly surpresses who I am and what I want to fit into a world that couldn’t care less.

I don’t want to run away from things that haven’t happened yet.

I fell into the darkness I thought was myself and couldn’t get up.

Until now.

I am loving myself. It means looking her in the eye every day and giving her pleasures she’s never had.

And that’s okay.

Write a thank you note to yourself.

Thank you Ivy for giving hope a chance. For finding that you have more light in you than you ever thought you needed.

For letting yourself love and be loved. For giving God the chance to heal your beautiful soul.

For letting yourself be so full of joy that you have enough for your tribe. For being there for me when no one else was.

For letting yourself be understood, by yourself and letting go of pretense.

You look into my eyes each morning and assure me I will be okay. I am beauty. You amaze me every day darling.

I love you forever. This is for you.

Sweeter than you will ever know, because you struggle to believe what you’ve been told.

Stronger than a thousand sunsets, you are my moon. I long to romance you for eternity.

As I write this to let you know that I will be with you for now and always.

I choose to make you mine.

Love, Ivy