Poems, Poetry

FAST and Hard…

Moving beyond yourself is so hard.

But once you do its hard to stop.

Its hard to start.
Reaching out when you’re the one who needs a hand to help.
A hand to hold.
Or just a high five.
Or a wave.
Or a smile, even if its fake.

Its difficult.
To feel someone else’s pain when you dont understand your own.
It sucks
Being in pain and having to smile.
It hurts.
Having to wait to be loved.
By people who dont love themselves.
People who don’t try you.
So how can you be more important than them?
When self love is a foreign concept…
You assume this but…

I can’t stress this enough.
You give the love you think you deserve.
So its hard.
For those of us who love hard and fast.
To love those who can’t decide.

Those who won’t confirm and always conform.
Won’t show up.
Won’t be there.
Physically or mentally.
Won’t support.

Because they don’t do that for themselves.
You assume
Dont expect them to do that for you.

This jouney has been long, i’m still running.
I passed tired on my way here.
Crossed the bridge of the hopefull over the river of helplessness.
Was high on want and started hallucinating
I went off the cliff of thought.
Dove into the abyss.
Into the bottomless pit of faith.
I had hope in my love.
But the black hole i found and the end…
Though beautiful…was a symbol of all your sweet nothings.
One giant empty promise of a future i couldnt lose…cause i never had.

I live in heartbreak hotel now.
Hearbreak warfare is my life.
My heart is more empty than my pockets.
Yet more full than my thoughtful mind.
There is a boy i know, he is the one i dream of.
He is the one i cant have.
He is the one ive given up on.

There is a man i know
One that i may have it bad for.
And im trying to GO SLOW.

But its against my nature.
Please understand.
And its okay if you dont…but i..
I love.
Fast.
And hard.

Inspired by recent events.
And the following people: lovers, daredevils.
Joy, Eunice, Usher Raymond, John Mayer, Whitney Houston, Sharon and Angie.
And a bunch of others….

*Mutheu*

Link in Bio for more.

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Poems, Poetry

Sweet and sour (3)

I love you with energy
It changes form so often
But your essence always remains
You are love’s memory
A thought somewhere at the back of my mind
I love you like regret
Like failure
Like a second change ill never get at this love
I love you like pain
I love…

You like healing
You who pulled me out of darkness
You are made of darkness
Made me laugh
Made me feel that intesity again
The kind that distance cannot conquer
It grew
You grew on me and i cant let you go
My heart says no
I…

Love what i saw
In your eyes that night
You were unexpected
Unpredictable like a winter’s rain
I wont let this end
I will hold on to you
I need
You

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Poetry

Understanding how to love

When i “textgramed” the picture above it was the 15th of April. I understood you. Didnt think i loved you.

19/4/17

Ink drips off your pen
Drops coalesce to form strokes
Strokes form letters
And letters a story
Stories you let escape from mind to hand
Hand to pen to paper
Tales you let me read later

Letters
Flow out of your mouth
I hear words
Prounounced with that thing
A sound of song only heard in your voice
A voice louder than the others
Our hearts percuss in tune
Here
Your lips whisper sacred words
As your body plays my instrument
I sing freely
My sadness and lonely left for dead
Your words, your features fill my head

I am blind
Blind to worry
Blind to fear
My own doubts i can no longer hear
Here
In your arms
I let
The ink of your words
Fill in every picture of forever in me
You paint by colours
And every colour
Is
Love

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