Why i write…

Hi everyone.
I don’t know if you have ever wondered why my blog is called clayjars144.

Well,  clay jars comes from 2 corinthians 4:7. 

 But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us”

When i read this verse i decided who i wanted to be…for the last time. I decided to be a vessel for God’s glory. I say this in the most honest, non pretentious way possible and i mean it. 

What that means to me is letting God use me and my talents to do his perfect will. 

To make it practical, my goal is to use whatever experiences i go through (or those around me go through) in my poetry to impact people positively.

So the treasure is poetry. And i am the clay jar. 

The reason i am clay and not gold or silver?

2nd timothy 2:19-21

Well, one reason could be to keep the focus off me and on God. To show that he is the one that enables me to do this.

And dont get me wrong, its not “clay” to “project humility”. I acknowledge the treasure in me, but i also know where it comes from…it comes from God above.

As for second Timothy if we take it as it is…it is simple. God knows who His children are and there is a certain way that they should behave if they are God’s children. “Depart from eniquity”

The way i undertsand this is…because we are of God, we should behave like him. So departing from eniquity means being like Jesus. (Jesus is God)

And being like Jesus is just that. In the gospels (Mathew, Mark, Luke, John) there are multiple examples of how Jesus behaved. Told from different perspectives, by multiple people. 

For me the summary is, Jesus loved without discrimination, he was helpful, authoritative, a good leader, just, giving, caring, kind, intelligent, wise. Jesus acknowledged his emotions, felt them and moved beyond them. 

That is what i should be.

Mark 1:21-22

John 11:33-36

Now the different articles/utensils (2 Tim 2:20-21), in the same house for different uses. 

My understanding is that us making an effort to be like Jesus (not us “following strict rules”, not legalism*will result in us being in a position to be used by God for his good work. It means that we can be our individual selves, with our own destinies and passions and still be used by God if thats what we want!

In summary, clay jars is me saying that i want to be used by God. I want him to pour out the treasure in me. I want him to help me do good for him. 

I am okay with being fragile and Christ-like. I am a work in progress.

This isnt like what i usually post, but i just needed you to know the answer to a question you didnt ask, lol.

Lots of love


*legalism is dependence on moral law rather than on personal religious faith*



‚ÄčIsaiah 61:3 (KJV)  To appoint unto them that mourn in Zion, to give unto them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; that they might be called trees of righteousness, the planting of the LORD, that he might be glorified.

I remember being there. In that room. All alone. Yes, i was living alone. But in that moment i felt more than alone, more than lonely. I went to my knees. I didnt pray. I was crying. I remember saying, to no one in particular.

 “Whats wrong with me?”

I dug myself into a hole so deep. I dont even know how it happened. You stopped talking to me, all of you, all at once. I ate lunch by myself. Then went to an empty house by myself. I studied alone. Went to church alone. Went shopping on my own. I went out on my own.

These things didnt bother me until a few months ago. It was then that i realized what i thought was the truth. 

They dont care. They never cared about you.”

So i believed that i was alone. So i became what i believed. I spent my birthday alone. I didnt think i needed to remind you about the day i was born. I didnt think i was that insignificant that you would forget. I didnt think you would forget. You forgot.

I forgot that it doesnt matter whether you remember me. It matters that God does.

A month after my birthday. I hit rock bottom. I know why they call it that now. It is a cold place and no one ever knows you are there until you call out. I called out. I did it twice. I did it in the wrong way.

I lit myself on fire to send a smoke signal. I jumped into the ocean to prove I couldnt swim. 

I am glad and I am blessed. The people around me heard my whispers and the screams in my head. They told me what to do. I followed their lead. I climed out of the pit. They were the rungs on the ladder. Every hug, every smile, every day i saw anyone i knew make an effort. It is because of you that i am still alive.

God used you.

Jesus came to give us beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for the oil of mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness.
When my heart was so heavy that i couldnt breathe. I couldnt get out of bed. I couldnt bathe.I couldnt eat. I couldnt clean. I couldnt.
You got me up. God got me up. I am not ashamed to say it. I was depressed. I dont care if you read this or not. I am not writing this for likes or comments or attention. 

I am writing this for anyone who is where i was. I want you to keep screaming. Dont set yourself on fire. Just give me your hand. Whisper in my ear and i will do what i can to get you help.


Reach out.

I dont know you, but i love you.