Did you know?

How massive of a universe you are. How you are in within, out without, up down and around. Inside outside. God, you are metal, wood, coal and stone, you are element, body, wind and soul. You are memory, foundation, feeling, sorrow.

You are sad, sensitive, sensual and sexy. You bulldozer of a being. You fleck of stardust. You pumkinspice everything.

You deep red and deep blue.

You fire, ice and light.

You earth.

You unstable periodic table.

You bipolar.

You bisexual.

You….

You bicycle.

Hi, my name is Ivy Sumbi. I like going outside and when I can’t feel the sun’s heat on my body, I shine from within myself.

Yours spunkily

Mutheu wa Sumbi.

Sweet sense of self

Maybe I don’t like you in the way that you think I do. Maybe I just want to be calm… Like you.

Your level of zen makes me question myself.
What I want
Who I am
I hadn’t met you before now
But that quiet in your eyes
That stillness on your lips

The way you craft silence out of words
The way you attract my attention

Your lips, still but speaking to me
The flutter of your eyelashes calling me

I am not into you in the way you think.
You aren’t my muse… But damn I wish you were.

I am not asexual.
I am not sexually attracted to you.
But damn I wish I was. That would explain everything.


This heart ache would make more sense
.

This love in my heart would make sense.
These dreams where I hold you close… Make sense.

I don’t love you.
I want to be you.
Does that make sense?

MUTHEU wa Mbula

Xxx

Until now.

I am starting to see life for what it is.
A series of mistakes, that if repeated, lead to destruction of self.

Languishing in it makes misery my home.

Or.

I could push past myself and love me ’cause I’m lovable.

I am starting to see love for what it is, not what I want it to be. All the words I hold in my tongue so I don’t offend you and the decisions I make despite your advice. And the frustration you have with my ways.

My frustration with you not being on my side.
You won’t love me to my death bed, I heard you say that.

I don’t want to be the kind of person that constantly surpresses who I am and what I want to fit into a world that couldn’t care less.

I don’t want to run away from things that haven’t happened yet.

I fell into the darkness I thought was myself and couldn’t get up.

Until now.

I am loving myself. It means looking her in the eye every day and giving her pleasures she’s never had.

And that’s okay.