The man (woman) who needed love.

When I saw him soft and vulnerable
That is when I loved him.
When he kissed me between burglar bars before he would enter my house
When he cooked for us
When he did math in the corner of my living room
When he wrote me poetry
The look on his face when we would watch marvel movies in the cinema
Him, asleep in my bed.
How cuddly he was when we were high
How he looked at me
How held me when I was in pain
Carrying me to the shower when i blacked out

Then…
When he wouldn’t let me walk near the road
When he held my hand
When he stopped me from heckling that random guy after he did
When he taught me self defence
When he showed me where to get a knife
This scared me.
When he put me in a headlock in his sleep.
That scared me.
When he shut me out
That broke me.
When he says he isn’t ready for a relationship
That hurt me.

And now.
Here I am crying.

Crying on and off for days
For all the times I have loved someone that wasn’t me more than I have loved myself, and yet, I am the only one who ever stayed.

This is the hardest habit I have ever had to Break.

The Vows

I didn’t come with presents.
But what I can give to you is this.
I will do my best to make sure I don’t put you in a position to get hurt.
I will put you first, before men, before women, before family, before friends.
I will hold your hand when no one else will.
I will tuck you into bed.
I will kiss your wrists after a hard day and hug you as tight as I can.

I will bring you back to the present when you dissociate.
I will hold you to me when you try and run away.
And if its better for you to go, I will go with you.

I will keep you safe.
I will protect your softest parts.

I will walk with you, everyday for the rest of our lives.

And when you meet someone who loves you in a way that I can’t. When you meet someone who wants you and can give you something that I cant. I will hold their hand too. I will love them with you.

These are my vows to you.