The getting to know you stage

Hey,

I was going to write about dating. Well, the part before you date someone. When you are getting to know them and sometimes it feels like you’re playing a game. Twenty-one questions or something.

But I decided to write about how I’m getting to know myself again. I’m realizing how often I get lost in the game of “getting to know” someone new and forget myself. I keep telling different people my story again and again and again…. And asking about theirs.

It feels like drowning in all this information, that I couldn’t care less about in the long run.

I’m not interested.

I’m not okay with being involved in someone else’s story while I leave mine here, with no one writing it, no one reading it. Forgetting myself in all these words I write for someone else? That doesn’t sound like me anymore. I have myself to think about. I have myself to explore and discover.

Listen, maybe this will change.

I’ve written too many love poems to believe that I won’t be in love with someone else ever again. But I want to start from home now. Start by loving myself first.

Maybe later I’ll find a different kind of love. Something that I can remember myself in.

I want to be in a position to fight for what I deserve. I don’t want to be as malleable to someone else’s touch as I have been. I don’t want to be flexible just because that’s desirable or dilute myself for someone else. I’m tired of it.

I just want to be.

And I think I am strong enough, soft enough, tender enough and loving enough to love myself better than anyone else right now.

Xxx

Ivy Mutheu.

Moves have been made.

Hey, so a few things have been happening in my creative life behind the scenes.

I started two podcasts.

Four songs and Poetry and Four the sake of conversation.

The first can be found on the castbox app. The second on YouTube. I’ll link it below.

I’d really appreciate your feedback on both. And don’t worry, I’ll always be posting here, because words will always be my first love. Any topic suggestions and song requests would be appreciated.

I love you.

Xxx

FOUR

FOUR THE SAKE OF CONVERSATION https://youtu.be/dgv07wwr5tI

Nope.

You send me smoke signals in the dark
Hoping to reach someone who doesn’t see you anymore.

I sent him cautious kisses and hearts
Because I can’t love like an emoji anymore.

My love sank to the bottom of a water body I can’t find.
I am in darkness and God is my only light

I can’t see you, anymore.
I won’t be the one you adore.

I am flesh, I tire.
I am no longer required to care, anymore.